The Beginning

Strange isn’t it, that moment when you realize the person you’ve lived with, had a child with, shared yourself with for almost 18 years is not the person you thought they were.  That moment of clarity for me didn’t happen with a thunderbolt.  It was a willingness on my part to no longer accept the denial.  Little by little, I was seeing the cracks in the facade.  Little turned into more and more turned into a deluge.   Then it was as if everything had smashed to pieces.  Everything I had worked for, built up in my life, was turning to ashes in my hands.

At first all he could tell me was nice things.  When I first met him, my husband had just passed away.  I transferred into a field job with my company.  (What is it they say about too many life changes in a short period of time?)  He was one of twenty other guys on the crew.  He zeroed in on me.  I really didn’t want to get involved with anyone but he was relentless.  Even went so far as to say we were soul mates!  Now I see how psychopaths operate.  But I am ahead of myself.  At that point, I was hurting from my loss and vulnerable and open.  My husband had died from a disease that had (has) alot of stigma attached to it and I know at that time, everyone knew it.  I wanted to be liked, I wanted people not to avoid me thinking that I had the disease also.  I wasn’t alright by a long mile at that time.  I was emotionally and mentally not ready to get involved with someone else.  But his attention, and his stories of the hurt in his life pulled at me.

Within a year, he had moved into my house.

 

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