“Someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to grave with you.


Karmic yogi? I don’t think so…

What can be said about someone who claims divine intercedence in their life, someone who claims to have achieved inner peace via a stream that Eckart Tolle describes but harms the family around him?  Can a sane person believe that a divine hand guides his life all the while that same person plan the financial ruin of the woman he lived with for 17 years?  Does a sane man/father ruin his daughter’s higher education aspirations?  Is that what a man does?

The reader is seduced by the spiritual references.  Inner peace, cosmic conciousness, yes even this too shall pass.  We are told that saying certain words will negate everything.  It sounds like a soul so incredibly wonderfully in touch with himself and the universal consciousness.  His faith, he claims, is what got him to his new found serenity.  What he doesn’t say is the backs he has stood on to get there.  He doesn’t reveal the demands he made of the family around him to fund him, serve him, most of fill the hole inside of him.  It didn’t matter how much was poured in.  It was never enough.  He doesn’t reveal the fear he lived most of his life in.  “Don’t panic, stay calm” I would say to him frequently as he would be sunk down in a chair wringing his hands despairing over some thing.  And if you scratched the surface, he would start raging.  I thought we were leading our family together, but when I turned around, no one was with me.  I was alone in a relationship with someone that I felt I was waiting to wake up, or dial in or get conscious.   He wouldn’t defend the woman he “loved” nor his kids. Our daughter had trouble in school with kids bullying her up to and including having an ipod stolen from her.  We had a meeting set with the school district.  The day of the meeting, he tells me “they’re calling us in early for overtime.  You can handle this.”.   And he went to work.  “We need the money “he says.  Y’know frankly, a united front would have been a lot better for that 1 hour meeting.  I’ve had years of dealing with management types as the elected officer in our local Union.  I’ve been a steward (appointed by the Local President) for years, Recording-Secretary, Secretary-Treasurer, and Local President.  Elected positions where you must go meet people, listen to them, lead them, defend them.  I’ve written many arguements defending a member and/or a position.  I’ve negotiated contracts with the CEO for a unit that we represented.  All this while doing the same job JCG was doing, Services Technician.  So yea, I can handle it.  But seeing the reaction on the face on the District Administrator to the news he wouldn’t be in the meeting for his daughter at the meeting about his daughter….but she’d seen it many times before. The mother is there but the father is not.

Even last week, we were subjected to the same negative assault,  “I hate people”, and ” people are so stupid”.  Glorious display of enlightenment for someone that yes even this too shall pass.

And now what is he doing? Well he went flying off to be with Jen.  When his daughter texted him Dec 31 where was he, he texted back telling her that he flew off to be with Jen, that she left drug rehab and attempted suicide and he had to be with her. On new years eve.

Is this what a person who has achieved inner peace does?  Is this what a karmic yogi does? More importantly, is this what a father says to his daughter? And why?

Pardon me if Jcg, doesn’t impress me with his “spiritual awakening”.

His bs has hit an all new height.  Or rather a new low.

Anyone have a good attorney they want to refer?


The Agreement

We came to the agreement in 2008.  The company where we worked offered an early retirement buyout.  This offer is used to entice employees, generally the long term ones, to leave employment.  It worked out that the buyout would be paid as a monthly sum equal to the monthly base pay.  If you were a 25 year or more employee, you would be paid for 18 months straight and not work.  I was a 30+ year employee.

At the same time our daughter was having a rough time in school. In fact this was going on for a long time. Like since kindergarten.  Her grades were down, she wasn’t getting what she needed in school.  I would be in various meetings with school teachers, or adminstrators but it wasn’t until I had her tested at Linda-Mood Bell when she was in the 4th grade that she received a diagnosis.  I could go into a whole lot of things about the school district and her doctors but I ‘ll do that another time. J her father and I discussed me leaving the company and we agreed it would be financially okay and I could be there to help our daughter. J said “we can do it” and “you took care of me for those years and I’ll take care of you.”. He also said “you don’t have anything to worry about, I’ll take care of you.”. And J would say, “don’t think I don’t know what you did for me.  I’ll take care of you. It’ll all work out.  You won’t have to worry”.  Do you know what I did those years? I paid the bills, paid for his clothes, his food, his water, his gas and electric, the telephone.  If he said “I feel like going on a vacation” I would make it happen and make sure he had a good time.

So I left the company.  And the first thing that happened? Well, Mr you-don’t-have-to-worry-about-a-thing didn’t bother to pay anything, nothing no support for our daughter-who was a minor still-at all for the entire time I was recieving wage continuation.  After 18 months I went on unemployment as the economy had collapsed and no one was hiring.  I was on unemployment for almost two years. That’s when J started contributing. I knew then I would have to sell my property.  I knew I wasn’t going to be able to afford it.   I was rehired by the company on a temp basis but it only lasted 4 months. Months later I was again rehired for a project in S.F. but we were laid off after 6 months because the company stalled the project.  All this while, our daughters grades came up.  Since I was able to be home with her and focus on her schooling with her, she started doing much better in school.  This was a blessing to my leaving the company.  Our daughter is now in her 3rd year of college.  I wanted to sell but I realized our daughter would need to have a stable home, such as it was, to focus on learning.  When we were all living together, we were living in my one bedroom apartment.  And that it what we all lived in from when J moved in with me in 1991, where our daughter lived from 1993, and J moved from in 2008. Shortly after I retired his father’s diagnosis turned bad and J went to live with his father in his father’s 3 bedroom house.  Our daughter and I live in a one bedroom apartment still to this day.

For 18 months after I retired, J paid nothing.  Mind you, our daughter was a minor then.  Almost two years of unemploment payments he started contributing. When I rehired, he paid nothing for 4 months. After I was laid off he started paying the bills. 2010 he started paying bills.  Which he stopped as I became employed. During this time, he’s screaming at me “who’s money did you think you were going to live off of” and “Paul says the same thing!” Paul’s his therapist supporting his ” life decisions” of course. And during this time I’ve also liquidated IRA’s in order to pay bills and support our daughter, which included her school money. It cost me penalties and income tax to do it.

When J’s father died at the end of 2008 and he took over the property.  Never mind that his father had always called it the [family name] compound.  Or that his father would say to me “one day this will all be yours”.  To this I would say to [his father], I’ve got what I need.  I thought the estate would be split up between the kids and Juan.  In fact we all thought that.  But J got it.  The whole thing.  He evidently had taken the trust papers to a lawyer.  J kept saying  he was ” owed” for all the years of “torment” from his father.  Funny, he said the same thing after his mother died.  That he was “owed” because she was “crazy”. Anyway he started spending a lot of the estate money to fix up the place.  He used alot of money fixing it, again because he felt he was “owed”.  He had said to me “He’s a problem and I’m going to take care of that problem”.

Our agreement went from “don’t worry I’ll take care of you”, to “let’s get you to your pension”, to “I said I would help you”, to “who’s money did you think you were going to live on”,  to “you think I owe you? You’ll be laughed out of court”,  to “I’m going another direction”.  All the while he’s cheating on me, visiting all kinds of dating websites, emailing women.

I used the money I was saving for our daughter’s higher education costs. And he tells “I planned it that way”.  Ain’t he nice? Financially devastates me and ruins his daughter’s future education financing. So for 17 years he gets supported. Financially, spiritually, mentally.  Oh yeah don’t forget he was hospitalized three times during those 17 years because he was going to kill himself.  This first time when our daughter was 4 months old.  I was there, stood by him to be his helpmate during his times of need and crisis. In goid times and in bad, right?

So now I’m having hard times. And what does he do?  Tells me he’s going in a “different direction”.  Do you think it’s fair?  Because it sure doesn’t feel like it.








That’s it

He writes I live in perpetual sadness and anxiety.  You know what?  I’m sick of this guy’s bullshit.  He is constantly positioning himself as the long-suffering partner who has done nothing but make sacrifices of himself to his bitch of a woman.  He writes that he’s given and given of himself until he’s empty.  And his readers commemts are sympathic and sweetly encouraging with “bravos ” and high fives for “setting boundaries”.  I see they are all women.

You know nothing of this psychopath and what has done to all the women in his life.  All you know is the lies he feeds you.  He is scumbag m’fckg liar who has taken more than he has given. Including writing checks to himself off my checking account.

Who wouldn’t be sad when you find out your “partner”, you know the one that’s supposed to have your back,  has been poor mouthing you to co-workers and your own family? For years.  Including his “numero uno” daughter.  He’s been driving wedge between our daughter and myself for years.  He’s called me a drunk and an alcoholic to her.  She needed to have something taken care of and he told her “don’t tell your mother anything”.  Then of course he’s screaming at her in the car ” I SAVED YOUR ASS, I SAVED YOUR ASS!” He only does things for us in order to beat us over the head with it or lay on the guilt or to tell us he’s owed.

Now he’s going his “own way”.  He is leaving in his wake the devastation in this relationship that he created in all other relationships.  Including his kids.

He’s a loser that uses every single manipulative trick he can to gain the advantage.  He has always been about “what can I get”.  He doesn’t have a real emotion in him.  He has to observe people or watch TV and then he mimics human emotion.  Including using crying to get over on you.

He has put me through an emotional roller coaster by giving his “love” then withdrawing if he didn’t get what he wants.  With him everything eventually has a price.

He says I have sadness and anxiety.  BS! I was the one telling him “Calm down don’t panic” because he would be in a tizzy over whatever it was at the moment.

I’m sick of his bull.

I haven’t wanted to take him on but now I’ve been pushed too far.  I’m not the cause of your spendthrift ways psychopath!

You know what bro? It’s on.

“I planned it that way”

When I ask him, why do you write this stuff? You know it isn’t true. He gets really huffy, “I give people happiness” with his chin up, almost defiantly. Practically daring me to say anything more. Of course I do. I ask him, Do you think people want to be lied to? He responds after a moment “People want to feel good. I give them that.” I say his name, and say people don’t want to be lied to.
It’s incredibly tiresome to be around a pathological liar.
His brand new Mac has a virus—oh brother.
His iphone face is cracked—oh brother
He’ll start another blog—oh brother
What I would like is for him to pay back the money he owes me. Is that so hard? Really? For someone who is supposedly walking a more aware or conscious path, why wouldn’t you make amends to those you’ve harmed? Oh you have to mock that too in a blog. Well how about if people know you reneged on your promise and our daughters’ school fund had to be used as you decided to quit supporting us. $67,000 that I saved for her, NOT YOU. Telling me “whose money did you think you were going to live off of?” Well, yours-like we agreed-like what you did for seventeen years living off me. We talked about it many times. You told me I would not want for anything, that I took care of you when you needed it and now you would take care of me. What was the first thing that happened? For the 18 months I was on wage continuation, you paid NOTHING, and our daughter was a minor at the time. That was $90,000. You didn’t pay for anything to do with her. Then after I pulled her school fund for her and I to live off of what did you say? “I planned it that way”. You planned it that way? You planned that I would have to use our daughter’s school fund in order to support her and I? You planned to remove an education from your daughter’s future? You are an abuser. You are deceitful. You are a psychopath. So now I am without money. Does this make you feel better than me? Your bullying of me says so. You want to destitute me and our daughter. You planned it that way.
And Jen who you are seeing over in the Atlanta area right now, you know, the one you texted me as “the problem” you were “going to take care of “, ought to be forewarned. But you are good at keeping people separate so they don’t compare notes on you, aren’t you.
You backbite, you backstab, you’re the worst kind of psychopath; charismatic, narcissistic, filled with greed. You didn’t stop at your mom, you didn’t stop at your dad. You’re not getting mine.
Your blog says Peace Be Unto Us All.
What a crock.

What to do….

I really don’t like the way this page looks.  It looks way too large and I don’t know how to adjust it.


Another problem is I’m too afraid to post what I’ve wrote and I think I ought to have been posting the entire time.  Just getting it out instead of all locked up inside of me with no where to go.  My number of unpublished posts goes back only a month or two.  Maybe three.


I don’t know if I have the stomach or the stamina for it.